2 days ago juz saw the letter sayin dat i'm eligible to apply for the edusave merit bursary..i was quite happy though..but actually i knew my father would b like say dun wan to apply..cos at end of sec 4..the same thing happened too..and i was damn sad at dat time. I juz felt dat its kinda nt being recognised for my hardwrk in gettin gd results...frm all these hardwrk..all i get frm my father was:''dun wan apply lah..apply for wat?!''..like wth can...last time i sadly walked away...this time i threw the letter onto the table rite infront of him...nobody in my family gif a damn for this..it juz make me felt dat my efforts r so nt being recognised...wat a family...sucks..

Nt dat its only by applying for this then shows their recognition..but i cant help but feel sad and angry dat they hv this kind of reaction...i dun understand y my family acts like this and neither do they understand me...mayb this is y i always find my frends to tok instead of tokin to my family cos its like tokin to the wall and this is juz so nt wat our family would do...

Ah nvm..anw goin wrk later liao..abit sianzz...hope the ppl there r nice ppl so dat my life is easier...

Mayb i hv been cheating myself all this while since dat thing...i thot i'm forgettin but it actually hv been influencing my mood since then..guess a feeling of 1&half yrs cant b forgotten so easily...one moment i thot i forgot alrdy..but next moment smthin reminds me of _...seeing my frends being so happy wif the persons they like makes me feel all the more lonely and sad...but on the other side i'm also truly happy for them dat they can find their happiness...i fear sinkin into such a miserable trap again in the future...ah nvm..i also dunno wat i'm sayin exactly...


hongsiew :(

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