Today wrk mornin shift.. 11am to 4pm..today was actually nt dat bad cos its sun and there r crowd so i was a little more busy...hmm honestly today was nt dat bad..but mayb its bcos today was a sun...i hope any other day is like this..den things r nt so bad then...

Anw my wish really came thru leh..today also got frend come visit me at wrk!! today anqi and her bf came to visit me haha thkful for dat haha rare to see her since she always busy wif projs haha oh and i was quite touched cos wanling's frend also came to visit me..cos she went taka to settle some things...although we met only once but she took the effort to come visit me! i'm so touched lah haha thks thks she is gonna wrk there soon too haha gdgd and mayb wanling too haha seems dat my life there may b gettin better..or i hope so haha wah i sooo happy! really everytime i wrk gt frends come visit me leh thks alot! haha

After wrk went to serangoon to find bernice awhile and eat n&b beancurd! although standard abit drop leh hahaha..tue wrk nite shift sianzzz to the max..hate nite shift..lucky i dun hv much nite shift wahahaha oh anw tml is dongbang day! yay! no wrk! hahaha


hongsiew :)

Haiz i feel like quittin..ahhh..loner and no sales and at town..wat a nice job...

Ystd wanling came to visit me at my wrkplace..dats nice..made my wrk time pass abit faster..make my wrk life there abit less miserable...anw thks...ystd after wrk went to meet bernice and anqi at hougang mall..rare for three of us to meet up cos anqi always v busy..but i'm v happy to meet them haha

Haiz dun feel like goin wrk at all..now i noe how miserable it is to b a loner...although its juz abt 6 hrs of loner...goin taka alone..stand there stone alone...go hm frm taka alone...i hate goin hm alone..esp nite shift..esp when its at orchard..esp when its wkend...one word, sucks...now my stonin skills is really at the ultimate max lvl liao..the pdt is juz so ex dat there r no customers for me to pass time..now its more like i go all the way to taka to stone..or to practice stonin skills..but i cant switch jobs cos i've got several events in dec which admin wun allow me to take offs..so dat means i hv to stick to this job or b jobless for a mth...seeing all the other promoters able to tok to their frends made me all the more sianzz and loner...damn..

Anw today played bball haha nice..but played awhile tired liao...old liao...after dat went j8 to walk walk...anw hope we get to play again soon...great to b able to meet up frends...

I hope everytime when i got wrk got frends come visit me den can go hm wif me! hahaha since for the past 2 days all got frends come visit me mahh haiz but dats quite impossible though...at this pt of time i kinda envy those ppl who gt bf..cos everytime outside taka got many bf waiting for their gf..haiz..if there is someone waitin for me after wrk den my life there would b so much less miserable..cos at least got smthin to look forward to mah..but think only lah haha

hongsiew :(

Ystd first day at wrk..guess this time nt so lucky..there the other promoters all seem to hv their own clique alrdy...this means i will b loner there..this is sooo sianzz cann..time pass damn slow...go hm frm taka orchard all alone..haiz everyone pls come visit meeee..make my life there less miserable...ok? haha

And ystd a suprise visit by tsuhui and yv at the wrkplace taka! i was really happy and shock to c them come all the way here esp tsuhui haha i was really happy! thks :)

Oh and ystd damn throw face..i wore dat kind of covered shoes to wrk..but dat shoe alrdy like 1 yr plus nv wear le..so the whole soles freakin came out lahhh lucky i was still at my blk dwnstairs only..wahhh faster chiong up change to slippers go buy new shoes..but no time so anyhow choose..and in the end the new shoe was dat kind freakin hard de material so my legs suffered a great lot wif blisters and all!! ahhhh i hate covered shoes!! Dunno y women muz wear this kind of shoes....

Later gonna wrk nite shift 4-9.30 again..siannzzz will b all alone..hate this..i hate the feeling of being all alone in orchard...nvm..tml no nid wrk! haha


hongsiew :)

2 days ago juz saw the letter sayin dat i'm eligible to apply for the edusave merit bursary..i was quite happy though..but actually i knew my father would b like say dun wan to apply..cos at end of sec 4..the same thing happened too..and i was damn sad at dat time. I juz felt dat its kinda nt being recognised for my hardwrk in gettin gd results...frm all these hardwrk..all i get frm my father was:''dun wan apply lah..apply for wat?!''..like wth can...last time i sadly walked away...this time i threw the letter onto the table rite infront of him...nobody in my family gif a damn for this..it juz make me felt dat my efforts r so nt being recognised...wat a family...sucks..

Nt dat its only by applying for this then shows their recognition..but i cant help but feel sad and angry dat they hv this kind of reaction...i dun understand y my family acts like this and neither do they understand me...mayb this is y i always find my frends to tok instead of tokin to my family cos its like tokin to the wall and this is juz so nt wat our family would do...

Ah nvm..anw goin wrk later liao..abit sianzz...hope the ppl there r nice ppl so dat my life is easier...

Mayb i hv been cheating myself all this while since dat thing...i thot i'm forgettin but it actually hv been influencing my mood since then..guess a feeling of 1&half yrs cant b forgotten so easily...one moment i thot i forgot alrdy..but next moment smthin reminds me of _...seeing my frends being so happy wif the persons they like makes me feel all the more lonely and sad...but on the other side i'm also truly happy for them dat they can find their happiness...i fear sinkin into such a miserable trap again in the future...ah nvm..i also dunno wat i'm sayin exactly...


hongsiew :(

Yo..recently juz got the photos taken at steamboat frm bernice..so post them now...


attempted to take pic using timer but eventually failed haha

Today i realised how hard it is to get our clss tgt for juz a lunch outing...despite the effort put in to get everyone's availability days..which days free or nt free...this is nt easy..and we made sure dat this day everyone is free..BUT it turns out dat we thot of things too easily..in the end most ppl still cant go..and we had to cancel it...but to me actually most of the time is whether u wan or dun wan..nt u can or cannot...the efforts juz gone dwn the drain...this is juz so nt the way to b treated back...although more of the efforts is nt made by me...

We had thot our clss was closer..so dat such outing was more possible..guess we placed our hopes too high...but we decided to go ahead and continue plannin our clss chalet although i think this is juz so nt rewardin...in the end will ppl turn up for the chalet? i seriously dunno...nt much of hope i hv in seeing the situation now...i dunno y is it so difficult to meet these jc frends of mine...


hongsiew :(

U noe..come to think of it..i hven gone out or meet up wif any of my jc frends since my As ended...been only meetin up wif the pebbles..so wat does this says?..i'm nt v sure also..guess they r juz too busy meetin up their frends..or guess its juz both parties didnt made any effort to meet up...haiz i wan to play bball...sianzzz

everything ended..really ended once and for all...i gathered all my courage to end this thing..and it went juz as i expected..although i didnt do it directly face to face but i didnt hv the chance and i didnt wan to choose dat way also...

my tap ran totally lose for this for the last time..i will make sure dats the last time...i tore and deleted and threw away anythin dat has connection wif this..except one thing dat i still could nt bring myself to tear it...

now wat is left is really frendship..no hope no nothing...i alrdy knew it was impossible between us...we were after all juz meant to b frends...this has always wat it has been frm the start to now...i forced myself to see this by doin this..now dat i noe truly..but i'm glad to hear frm u dat our frendship stays strong...

and some ppl who read this..dun think i'm in a relationship and i broke up..its totally nt dat way although it kinda sounds like..yea..anw its ok..i will walk out of this soon and really live my own life and my world will juz revolve ard my world..nt yours anymore..


hongsiew :)

It really hurts when u noe how worthless u r to someone..yet all along i allowed this to b of so much worth to me...but actually unfortunately i shld hv known dat this is all along how it has been..i allowed myself to neglect this..i allowed myself to ignore this..i allowed myself to place hopes in this..i allowed myself to get into this mess..i allowed myself to b hurt so badly..i allowed all this to happen..so i cant blame anyone...

i hate myself to b so weak to let my tap run all loose over this thing..i cant control..terrible state now..i hate this..i hope i'm nt so weak...y did i let this make my life so miserable...its so hard to let go...i always thot i'm prepared to do it..but now i noe dat i'm barely able to stand all this even bfore anythin has been done...i fear everythin turns into hatred..i dun wan...i noe this is nt rite..


hongsiew :(

Juz came back frm playin bball...bfore dat and actually now i'm still quite pissed..or actually v pissed..its nt abt anythin dat happened during the bball but bfore dat...

I juz wan to say..i'm pissed at those who pangseh me for the bball...4 of u pangseh me..u all shld noe who u r...i took effort to organise this bball session...spent time to sms u all..coordinating and all..although it did nt really meant lots of effort and stuff...but in the end i juz got replies and last min reply dat: ''sry i forgot...'' and '' sry i'm goin out..'' and ''sry'' and more ''sry''...but SRY..to me..a ''sry'' is juz so irresponsible...a ''sry'' isnt gd enuf to juz throw away other ppl's effort...its really wasting my time and sms..this is it mann really..i've had enuf...i'm nt goin to organise stuff again..nt at least for these ppl..i may b harsh in this way..but its really enuf lor...frm now on..even if i organise things like bball session i will only make effort to ask those who r really on and doesnt really hv this kind of prob...my sms is nt sooo many of free sms ok...

I'm glad dat there r ppl who turned up today..bball was fun wif them..haha we shall play again soon...and these ppl who pangseh me dun nid to say sry to me even when u all read this post..its useless...and u all shld noe my temper..the thing i hate most is ppl pangseh me...nt dat sayin i'm perfect or wat..like i dun even pangseh ppl..but i dun do this dat often...and dun nid to b scared of me knowin i'm pissed at u..cos my temper will juz go away soon...


hongsiew :)

On thurs..after the last paper went to meet bernice at kovan..ate at hong kong cafe..and coincidentally yv and her frend also went there haha its cool dat they serve their western food in a v chinese type of plate haha and their drinks..so traditional haha



Ystd went to bernice's sch..singapore poly..actually wanted to cele her bday so suprised her wif justi turning up and anqi and qh too...originally bluff her only i can visit her sch haha below r pics took in sp canteen..cos wait for bernice finish lesson v bored...and i bought an elmo keychian!! the amazing thing is dat when u press it got sound!!! so cute! haha

YO!!!!! I DECLARE I'M FINISHED FIGHTING THE WAR WIF A's!!!!!!!!!! OMGGGG

But actually didnt quite got this feeling after ystd hist paper lehh...when i finally finished my As ystd..the feeling i got is juz like wat cheryl said..abit empty..abit lost...wun actually b dat happy and excited...abit no feeling..hahaha its really quite a funny feeling to actually noe dat u wun hv to study when u wake up..u wun hv to study tml..the day after tml and more tmls..really feels empty..aimless..lost and weird...

I was tryin to gain the feeling and memories of wearing uniform for the last time in my life ystd..the last time i go in ny being a student..the last time i walk dat long path to sch as a jc student...i totally feel sad abt leaving ny..i like the days in which i could go sch and see my frends in sch..my lovely clssmates and hv fun wif them...perhaps bcos i enjoyed sch so much dat 2 yrs past by without me knowing...feel sad...although i dun think my results will b gd...anw...lets nt tok abt this...

Last nite lied on the bed for more than 3 hrs..cant fall aslp..whenever i close my eyes..many things juz kept floatin into my mind..this has been happenin for days and wk..so xin ku...lied there soo long..wan to slp but cant slp..dun actually exactly noe the reason...been thinkin alot these days...

Haizzz...anw gonna play bball on sat!! this is only the first session of my endless sessions!! My long waited bball....hmm.....i'm cominggg haha

I miss jc life..i wun get to see scenes like these..wearing ny uniform..in ny..hving fun and spending time tgt....scenes of much memories...


i wun get to see scenes like this

I can only say today's econs paper is totally difficult to the core cannnn alamak..how come this yr the papers all siao one arh..i can only say cambridge totally think toooo highly of me liao haizzzz...

Yo! wahahaha again i'm off to last 3 days of war liaooo and after dat i'm finished fightin this war! omg i will b totally free on thurs!! alrite! although actually even now i dun quite hv the study mood liao haha

anw thks to everyone who supported me and jiayou for me..thks alot! lets jiayou for the last few papers and everythin will b over real soonnn and the rest of the ppl dun jealous of my early freedom cos ur freedom day will come real soon too!

muhahahhaha.....


hongsiew :)

Yo! i changed my layout! haha although i actually hv no intention of doin it but was forced to bcos my blog image gana deleted haizz but nvm..now i returned wif clouds! hahaha nice nice nice

Anw can b seen as a new start and new set of feelings and mood...although As is nt over yet haha

hahahha only 5 days away frm my freedom day!!!! yay!!

But these few days really dun hv the exam mood and study mood..this is bad haiz..i'm nt concentratin alamak...left wif econs on tue and wed den hist on thurs DEN ITS THE END!!! haha i've actually told my mum i hv ultimately no confidence in my results..and juz say see wat i can do abt it next yr bah haha she nt much reaction lah haha juz agreeing wif me..a v understandin mum yea haha

Oh and chalet kept floatin into my mind haha but i hv none planned yet...hmm..OHHH and bball kept bouncin into my mind too!!! my hands v ichy liao lorr reallyyy haha cant wait to play bball wif everyone!!

More ppl r fallin sick too..and i hven quite fully recover frm mine too..still got cough..so everyone take care ya...drink more water..and i'm goin to say..''an apple a day keeps the doc away!!" haha


hongsiew :)

Today math paper..the ultimate demoralizing paper...the first paper in my life dat made me feel so sad and demoralized...in the past this kind of thing has nv happened to me..cos i hv always been happy go lucky...nv see myself affected by any exam or tests even if i dunno how to do the paper...today is really the first time in my life...

I dunno y..but mayb bcos i feel dat i practiced sooo much yet juz now still all dunno how to do..really v angry at myself lorr stupid lehhhhhh and my math in my clss has always been among the lowest..so i promised myself to wrk hard for math..guess i was juz disappointed wif myself bah..

Suddenly i also got the feelin dat i seriously screwed my As so far..i only left wif half of my hist paper and my econs paper next wk..so helpless..wan save myself also too late liao...this kind of stupid result can get me no where...i screwed my own life mann..haiz..

nvm..think of all these also no use..they r over le...so i can only try to wrk on the rest of my papers...see wat i can do..ahhhhhhh


hongsiew :(

Urgh my body is really failin..

And hor v throw face lehh..cos now got sorethroat and cough mah so got flam...soo when i tok the voice is v horrible..AND...when i go my dwnstairs kopitiam buy fishball noodle juz now..when i was sayin ''fishball'' (in chinese)..i saw the ''am chio'' face on the person..like wan laugh but cant laugh and nearly laugh dat kind of face..ahhh my voice got soooo funny mehhh..cant help it also wat...humphhhhhh

And i screwed today GP..dunno how to ans the qns of the compre..haiz..sian..GP determines everything mann..but also nothin i can do le hahhaa everything will b over soonnnn! yep yep hope i really get well soon..hope i can concentrate in tml's math paper!


hongsiew :)

Haiz my stupid body is failin on me seriously mann..today visited the toilet like dunno how many times..vomit + diarrhoea + sorethroat + cough + nearly touched fever..omg wat a timing to hv all these mann.guess its a challenge to me huhh haha

But i'm feelin much better now..hope by tml will get well and all..i wouldnt wan to screw my GP tml and math paper on tue..hope i will b able to concentrate durin the papers cos i really nid to...

And i dunno y my blog image gana deleted..juz ignore it for the time being bah..too lazy to change and no time also..

jiayou! jiayou!


hongsiew :(

Damn..my temperature is approachin fever temp..nt gettin any better...now 37.5...desperately tryin to get it to go dwn...

Hate this absolutely..i dun wan to get sick durin this point of time..critical point of time lehhhh..here is As and i'm dwn sick...hate this...

Ahhh i shall go do math now..stupid...cant b more suay than this mannn

i kept tellin everyone dun fall sick but in the end lehh i'm the lucky one instead!!

Seriously hope i get well soonnnnnnnnnn reallyyy soonn if nt here goes my As mann


hongsiew :(

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